Mad Hatter: “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”
“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “What’s the answer?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter.
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Oblique Strategy: Short circuit (If eating peas improves virility, shovel them into your pants)

The Cedars, Dallas, Texas

The Cedars, Dallas, Texas

The Cedars, Dallas, Texas

I dream that somewhere there is an ancient text, very rare, that contains some far-reaching essential advice. Something that will answer all my questions. Something that might even give a hint of a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Still looking.

In the meantime, although magazines are dying, over three million people subscribe to Cosmopolitan. Here are some titles of their more pithy articles:

• 50 ways to have fun with your guy.
• Your hoo-ha handbook. Get a healthy sexy vagina
• Amanda Bynes – A secret side of her you’ve never seen
• The new male sex habit that can hurt a relationship
• 100% HOTTER SEX. Thrill every inch of the body using a move no woman has dared to try on him before.
• Why love is harder in winter
• Get rid of muffin top.
• Colors that make a man’s heart race.
• Fergie – her naughty honeymoon surprise
• He shoots, he scores — wacked-out things guys say in bed
• Is stress turning you into a raging bitch?
• HIS #1 SEX WISH. 71 guys crave this move. You’re gonna want to drop the magazine and do it on the spot.
• 8 Things guys notice instantly
• Mind tricks that melt pounds
• Killer cocktail. How a popular drink could kill you in your sleep.
• Bad girl issue – for sexy bitches only
• Kim Kardashian – The mistake that still haunts her (no, not the sex tape)
• Foreplay men crave -touch his secret erotic spot (surprise: it doesn’t rhyme with shemis.)
• 26 gutsy ways to make a fresh start.
• The silent clue men give off when they’re in love.
• BE THE BEST SEX OF HIS LIFE. How to tease him mercilessly, seduce him slowly, and then rock his world in ways he’s only dreamed about.
• WHAT HE THINKS DURING SEX. The crazy, dirty, sizzled, and yes sweet stuff that goes through his head when you two get hacked.
• One question no guy can resist.
• The sexy ass workout – 2 weeks to tight cheeks
• Steal this trick – The #1 secret of confident chicks
• What 81% of men expect on first date (you’ll be pleasantly surprised)
• Sex panic – an ER doc reveals the freakiest down-there emergencies ever.
• BAD GIRL SEX. These 12 moves will show him your really naughty side. We call them dirty dozen
• Gut feelings you should never ignore.
• 5 words that get the truth out of guys.
• The “dirty sex” rule happy couple swear by.
• When you hooha’s burning: Don’t use this common cure!
• What he’s dying to hear during a date.
• 50 SEX TRICKS. Trust Us: You’ll be the first girl naughty enough to try #43 on him.
• Get hit on all the time (your friend will be really annoyed)
• The orgasm whisperer every woman needs one!
• Sex extras *secrets his sex style reveals. *cheat proof your love – with 4 words.
• Kate Perry – How she grabbed Hollywood by the balls.
• What you should never let you gyno do
• 5 things that can blow a job interview.
• 125 SEX MOVES. Thousand of men agree: these are the techniques that send them over the edge
• 4 signs he’s craving you.
• You on Top – the fierce new secret to success.
• 100 SEX QUESTIONS. We answer every dirty thing you want to know. In 20 words or less.
• Be lucky bitch! These proven mind tricks bring you what you
• When your cramps mean something’s wrong
• Dirty lying brides-Secrets they’re hiding from the groom.
• BEST. SEX. EVER. Out gutsy new tips are guaranteed to give him the most bad ass orgasm imaginable and you too.
• Get butt naked! 50 fun things to do bare – assed.
• How to make choices you’ll never regret.
• 3 questions that get a man to open up
• The easy way to boost your sex drive (We stole a few secret from guys