“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

Ok, first, let me admit a few things:

1. I’m an old man. Nobody cares what I think.
2. I listen to mostly classical music (if I were to make a list of “Greatest Songs” it would have such things as Barber’s Adagio for Strings, Nessun Dorma!, and 9th Symphony 4th Movement Ode to Joy.
3. I don’t consider Hip Hop to be music. I think it is primarily an invention of the Big Corporation Music Industry to construct a genre of popular music that is designed to maximize record company profits with minimal risk and effort. I know this is not a popular opinion, but it is one that I am sure is at least partially true.
4. I am so, so sick of Autotune. My ears can pick up any excessive use of that evil technology and will switch away from it. I feel it removes all emotion and feeling from music – leaving behind boring noise. There are very few popular songs released in the last decade that aren’t ruined by Autotune.

With those points out of the way, I will rant about the release of the 2021 Rolling Stone top 500 songs.

Rolling Stone magazine released a new version of their 500 Greatest Songs list, the first in 17 years. The magazine, in an introduction to the list, notes, ‘a lot has changed since 2004; back then the iPod was relatively new, and Billie Eilish was three years old. So we’ve decided to give the list a total reboot . . . The result is a more expansive, inclusive vision of pop, music that keeps rewriting its history with every beat.’

Bullshit.

I enjoyed the old versions of the lists. I would look through the list and see if I could find something that I had forgotten about or maybe underrated… it was a good source of musical education and ideas. There were, of course, disagreements between me and the lists… but all in all there was mutual respect.

But the new list… There are 254 songs that weren’t in the 2004 list… that means that more than half of the greatest songs of 2004 are no longer great. Let’s see…

Starting at the top… a new #1 – Respect by Aretha Franklin. I have absolutely no problem with that. It’s up there with maybe five others that could be rotated in and out. Personally, I would put Layla in at #1 – which in 2004 was 27, between A Day in the LIfe and (Sittin’ On) The Dock Of The Bay. OK, good stuff all. This year, Layla drops all the way to 224… WTF?

But in the 2021 list, problems start with #2 – instead of Satisfaction (by the Stones) we have Fight the Power by Public Enemy. Ok, not that bad of a song… but #2… over Satisfaction, which drops all the way to #31, right below Royals by Lorde. Really?

You might like Lorde… but is she better than The Rolling Stones? I don’t think so. Royals is catchy… but it doesn’t belong on any all-time list. If anybody, and I mean anybody is still listening to that in twenty years (or even five years) I will be shocked. Satisfaction was released fifty-six years ago, more than half a century, and has held up – it’s as spine-tingling today as the day it was released.

So, let’s talk about age. I know I’m old… but…. I downloaded the 2021 list into a spreadsheet and sorted them by year released. There are nineteen songs released the year I was born, 1957 (I told you I was old) or older. Here they are:

242	Great Balls of Fire	Jerry Lee Lewis	1957
216	Jailhouse Rock	Elvis	1957
124	That’ll Be the Day	Buddy Holly	1957
80	What’d I Say	Ray Charles	1957
347	Heartbreak Hotel	Elvis	1956
299	I Put a Spell on You	Jay Hawkins	1956
170	In the Still of the Nite	Five Satins	1956
147	Blueberry Hill	Fats Domino	1956
76	I Walk the Line	Johnny Cash	1956
425	Mannish Boy	Muddy Waters	1955
277	Bo Diddley	Bo Diddley	1955
102	Maybelline	Chuck Berry	1955
35	Tutti Frutti	Little Richard	1955
318	Hound Dog	Big Mama Thornton	1953
237	Your Cheatin’ Heart	Hank Williams	1953
229	This Land is Your Land	Woody Guthrie	1951
165	I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry	Hank Williams	1949
21	Strange Fruit	Billie Holiday	1939
481	Cross Road Blues	Robert Johnson	1937

That is a hell of a selection. They are older than I am and I have heard them all a thousand times and they are all great. The highest rated is Strange Fruit and the lowest is Mannish Boy.

So here are the nineteen newest songs on the list:

438	Savage (Remix)	Megan Thee Stallion featuring Beyonce	2020
346	Dynamite	BTS	2020
329	Safaera	Bad Bunny	2020
490	Old Town Road	Lil Nas X	2019
178	Bad Guy	Billie Eilish	2019
137	Thank U, Next	Arianna Grande	2019
384	I Like It	Cardi B	2018
497	Truth Hurts	Lizzo	2017
428	Sign of the Times	Harry Styles	2017
487	Cranes in the Sky	Solange	2016
451	Bad and Boujee	Migos	2016
383	Redbone	Childish Gambino	2016
73	Formation	Beyonce	2016
417	Uptown Funk	Mark Ronson	2015
373	Hotline Bling	Drake	2015
45	Alright	Kendrick Lamar	2015
357	Blank Space	Taylor Swift	2014
465	Get Lucky	Daft Punk	2013
362	Merry Go Round	Kacey Musgraves	2013

Do you want to know how many of these I am familiar with – how many I recognize… none. Absolutely none. I’m sure if you played these for me a few would catch my ear… a hook that I remember as I reached for the radio dial, maybe. But do I think I regret not knowing any of these…? I don’t think so.

Looking down the list in order of dates, the newest one I recognize is Summertime Sadness by Lana del Rey. I’m actually a fan of her. But do I think Summertime Sadness is one of the 500 greatest songs of all time? Hell no.

Next to Summertime Sadness is Call me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. That is certainly a catchy little tune… but is it Great? Is in one of the Best? No, no, no.

At one time Rolling Stone represented Rock and Roll, which represented rebellion and innovation. It does not represent that anymore. It represents Wokeness and Diversity… which is Rebellion and Innovation run through the filter of Corporate Profits and Elitism until it is an evil mutation.

And that is all I’m going to say today. I have to go outside and yell at some kids to get off my lawn.