Over 99 Billion Served

Over 99 Billion Served - but no more.

Over 99 Billion Served – but no more.

There is a joke in Dallas… it goes like this, “Whenever you ask someone for directions, they always start ‘Get on Beltline…’.” And it’s true.

I live a handful of short blocks north of Beltline, so I know that endless loop well. Less than a mile to the West, on Beltline, of course, is was a McDonald’s. I have been in that place exactly once, when we first moved in, before our internet and water was hooked up. I went in there for coffee and wifi.

Now when my kids were little, we went to McDonald’s (and various other fast-food emporiums) all the time. Not for the food, per se, but for the ball pits and climbing tunnels. My kids were connoisseurs of fast-food ball pits. They would sit around at home discussing the comparative merits of all the local McDonald’s vs. Burger King. They would arrive at a decision and off we would go. When driving long distances they would spot a unique climbing structure out the speeding windows and we would have to stop. Candy would walk to another place, any place, and get food – she could not stand McDonald’s… no matter how fun the ball pit was.

But the kids had outgrown all that before we moved here. Shame, because that McDonald’s had a really nice climbing structure in a huge glass enclosure out front. (Google Maps Streetview from before the demolition). At any rate, I had no reason to go there and had only been there that once.

Still, though, I drove or biked past it at least twice a day for years and years and it had blended into the daily background of my life.

Then, one day, coming home from work, it was gone. There was nothing there except a pile of rubble.

Plastic tunnels and ball pit netting, bulldozed and torn asunder.

Plastic tunnels and ball pit netting, bulldozed and torn asunder.

It was a shock. There were the plastic tunnels all bulldozed and torn asunder. It was like finding a body in the yard – like someone you knew slightly had died. Of course, the neighborhood email list went into a frenzy of indignation and fear – nobody knew what had happened.

Of course, this is Dallas (or at least a suburb), and nothing is allowed to rest for long. The rubble was gone in a couple days and already, concrete is being poured. I assume it will be another McDonald’s – probably bigger and better.

But I bet the food will be the same.

There is another Dallas joke. “There are only two seasons in Dallas, Football and Construction.”

Shit Dallas People Say

If you don’t live here this won’t make sense. Now, if you’ve been reading my blog you might recognize a few things, but otherwise, nah.

But if you are from Dallas, this is hilarious.

I loved it, even though it didn’t have my favorite Dallas saying. That’s, “Well, you start out driving on Beltline.”  Everything (including my house) is right off Beltline Road. I can be on a freeway fifty miles from my house and see a Beltline Exit sign. One weekend I’m going to drive the entire Beltline Road (it is a loop, surprise) – it might take two days.

Others that I hear(or say) that aren’t on the video:

  • “I get nosebleeds if I go north of George Bush.”
  • “I remember when the West End was cool.”
  • “Nobody rides DART to the fair, it’s too crowded.”
  • “Ugh, the water tastes awful, the lakes must have turned over.”
  • “Should we take LBJ or George Bush.”
  • “Should we go Woodall Rogers or the Mixmaster?”
  • “Central’s all red, better take Greenville.”
  • “There a wreck on 75, better take Coit.”
  • “Stay away from 30, the Zipper is busted.”
  • “I had to bail her out of Lou Sterrett”
  • I don’t remember if it’s in Rockwall or Rowlett.”
  • “Pho Pasteur has the best Pho.”
  • “Bistro B has the best Pho.”
  • “Pho Bac has the best Pho.”
  • “Pho Bang has the best Pho.”
  • “Pho Q  has the best Pho.”
  • “Pho King has the best Pho.”
  • “He lives in this old house, it’s been there almost twenty years.”
  • “They live in a Condo in Uptown.”
  • “Who lives in all these houses?”
  • “Let me borrow your DART pass.”
  • “Let me borrow your Toll Tag.”
  • “You can’t get to Deep Ellum from here.”
  • “Are we waiting for the Red or the Blue?”
  • “Whatever you do, don’t jaywalk in downtown”
  • “A coyote got their cat.”
  • “Back when Frisco was way out in the country.”
  • “Back when Southwest had free drinks.”
  • “I can’t believe you walked there.”
  • “Is the AC all the way up?”
  • “They need to hurry the hell up, they’re driving the speed limit.”
  • “That Mexican food place looks awful, their food must be great.”

At any rate, here it is:

What Dallas sayings do you have that you treasure/are completely sick of? What sayings do you hear every day where you are at?